Having breast cancer is an experience that changes you. It can strip away pretense and artifice, leaving only honesty and integrity in relationships. It can focus your fears. Betty Ford noted that cancer strikes not only the body, but also the spirit. When we are faced with our mortality, our true self is revealed. And we may become grateful for things which we previously took for granted. Here are some things for which breast cancer makes us grateful.
Relationships Valued, Tested and Proven
A Swedish study of breast cancer patients reported that their "relationships became more valuable" during and after treatment. Any life-threatening illness can affect your family members, coworkers, and friends. Breast cancer tests the strength of your relationships, shattering those with hidden cracks, and cementing others with shared adversities. Women have lost connections with spouses, partners, and friends during a round with breast cancer. They may have trouble facing mortality or dealing with loss. Fortunate indeed are those of us who find that tough times bring us closer to family and friends. Like survivors of a war, we find out whom we can lean on in the battle and in peace.Appreciation of Health and Life
“To enjoy good health, first be sick” - Brother Giles, The Little Flowers of St. FrancisBrother Giles, a companion of St. Francis of Assisi, never had to take chemo or radiation or have a breast removed. But he did understand the contrast between sickness and health. One of the members of my support group said it best when she completed chemotherapy, “It feels like getting out of jail!” Only when I finished treatment for breast cancer, and began to leave many side effects behind, did I begin to understand how wonderful good health could be. Life and health are truly gifts that I appreciate much more than I did before my diagnosis.
Greater Self-Confidence After Facing Fears
“I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. ... Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” - Frank Herbert, Dune Chronicles, Book 1A diagnosis of breast cancer brings our fears into focus. Although she could have hid her diagnosis, Betty Ford spoke of it openly, to encourage other women at a time when such outspokenness was still rare. She noted that “many women are so afraid of breast cancer that they endanger their lives.” In my case, with great support from family and friends, I found the courage to face cancer. In recovery, I found the confidence to take new directions in my life, and to move forward.
Fellowship of Survivors and the Gift of Empathy
A few months before my diagnosis, I started a Staff Prayer Group at my workplace. Word of it spread, and a dozen people began attending weekly meetings. After I shared my diagnosis with them, they saw me differently. They had seen me as a strong leader, but now they saw me as a real person. Members began to be more open with me about their medical issues, revealing their own vulnerabilities. Our fellowship deepened and our prayers became more open and effective. At my breast cancer support group, all of the women treated each other as equals. We had similar diagnoses, and were able to speak with honesty and empathy. Breast cancer cut through lines of race, age, economic and marital status, giving us true fellowship.Encouragement to Live Fully
“I press forwardWith the fresh power of tenacity and determination.
I will not fear those gory thorns.
I will not shrink from the battle
Though teeming with phobia and death
So long as this battle will restore me to life.
These are my oars.”
- Badia Kashghari, I Have Decided to Sail
This poem from Saudi poetess Badia Kashghari encouraged me so much that I made several copies of it and put them up around my house and office. When I was overcome by side effects from chemo, I would read her poem. Her words kept me thinking of life beyond treatment, a full life, restored to me as a gift. My boss called my diagnosis a "wake-up call" - it caused me to question how I was spending my life. I treasure my life after breast cancer.
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Source:Relates to: Relationships Valued, Tested and Proven
European Journal of Cancer Care (Engl). 2001 Sep;10(3):192-200. Indications of change in life perspective among women with breast cancer admitted to complementary care.
