Supporting a Partner with Breast Cancer

(LifeWire) - Breast cancer affects not only the patient but everyone in her immediate circle of family and friends -- especially her partner. A partner's support is irreplaceable during the challenges of such a devastating diagnosis.

Women going through breast cancer treatment face a variety of potential side effects. Surgery is not only frightening but potentially disfiguring and may lead to lymphedema -- a swelling of the arm from where the lymph nodes are removed. Chemotherapy can cause nausea, fatigue, hair loss, and appetite and weight changes. Radiation therapy has side effects that include fatigue, breast tenderness and changes in breast size.

Emotions are complicated, no matter what the prognosis.

Be There Physically

Supporting a loved one with breast cancer can be as simple as folding the laundry or cooking dinner. But before beginning a four-course meal, ask what she'd prefer to be on the menu. Some treatments can make former favorites unappealing. Some women even prefer to avoid foods they normally enjoy, so that those dishes won't be associated with their treatment.

Many women appreciate a partner who will attend visits to the doctor with them. Whether for treatment or a simple checkup, these sessions with the doctor can be exhausting. Having someone to take notes, think of questions and provide a safe ride home often eases a patient's mind.

Offer as much intimacy as she's comfortable receiving. Keep in mind that treatments may affect her sexual desire, but not her need for physical closeness. According to one study, most women experiencing a recurrence of breast cancer reported a significant decrease in frequency of intercourse, but no significant decrease in kissing and other touching.

Be There Emotionally

As with any stressful time, communication is key. Studies show that couples who were able to talk openly throughout breast cancer treatments were less distressed and reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

After a diagnosis, many decisions need to be made. Play an active role. Take time to research treatment options or track down a second opinion.

Be a good listener. When she's scared, acknowledge her fears. Resist the temptation to offer quick fixes, as doing so may belittle her concerns and shut her out. Be encouraging, yet allow her to have a realistic view of both treatment and survival rates.

Most importantly, be tolerant. Breast cancer treatment can disrupt a woman's hormones, causing mood swings and irritability. Encourage outlets, such as support groups, yoga and/or writing in a journal.

Be There for Yourself

The role of a primary support person can be exhausting, isolating and frustrating. Don't feel guilty about finding time to golf or see a movie, or joining your own support group. Caregivers need to be calm, rested and healthy to be affectively helpful.

Be aware that caregivers can be at increased risk for depression and anxiety. One study, involving 89 caregivers of women with advanced breast cancer, found they were 16% were more likely to experience anxiety than the patient and were just as likely to be depressed. Watch out for symptoms like sleeplessness or suicidal thoughts, and don't by shy about seeking medication or psychotherapy.

_Sources: